Final Fantasy VII Original Review: Does It Hold Up?

Special thanks to Curmudgeon Film Talk for providing the drawing

Cloud Strife, the protagonist of Final Fantasy VII (1997), has piqued my curiosity ever since his addition to Smash Bros for Wii U & 3DS (2014). Most DLC characters in Smash are either retro stars or advertisements for upcoming games. Now, with the Final Fantasy VII Remake (2020), I guess Mr Strife is both. I had never played FFVII, or indeed any FF game, so playing the remake seemed like a weird (and expensive) way to start. Fortunately, the original FFVII has been ported to the PS4 for a much cheaper price, presenting an ample opportunity to visit a classic. Does it stand the test of time or has it aged as well as Keith Richards in a bath of cheese? FFVII has been considered a landmark in JRPGs and is considered one of the best games of all time, now I’ve finally got around to playing it. 

This begs the question:, is this simply a review? A G.O.B.L.O.G piece? A retrospective? An excuse to play a cheap game to benefit from the remake’s publicity? Well, it’s all of it. No analogy matches FFVII better, since the game is basically a clusterfuck of different ideas, themes and genres melded into a single game (or 3 discs, in the case of the PS1 version). 

*deep breath*

The game is high fantasy, steampunk, existential, cartoony, edgy, environmentalist, exploring mental breakdowns, PTSD, capitalism, space exploration, sea scavenging & giant chicken racing. All great on their own, but do they work well together? Does the game make them all work? 

Kind of…yeah.

Let’s excavate the plot from this surreal pinata disguised as a game. You are Cloud Strife, an amnesiac mercenary who looks like he’s halfway between a Disney prince and a teen edgelord. In the steampunk city of Midgar, you join an Eco-Terrorist group called AVALANCHE to stop Midgar’s all powerful mega-corporation Shinra from draining the planet’s resources. Along the way, you encounter a mysterious girl who is the last remaining member of a mythical race that foretells the destruction of the planet. You and your band of misfits travel the world battling Shinra and Cloud’s former partner, Sephiroth.  

That is simply the tip of the iceberg, but I will spare you from major spoilers. Just know if I did include them, it would give the bible a run for its money for the title of “world’s longest work of fiction”.

Unlike the remake, which incorporates voice acting, you can name Cloud and the main characters whatever you like. Given that Cloud is miserable, cynical, and blonde, The Curmudgeon seemed like a fitting name. I shouldn’t say what I named everyone else out of fear of getting flagged.

The gameplay involves you travelling across an open world and battling enemies with your party members: a walking racial stereotype named Barrett, a cat riding on a cuddly demon and your childhood friend, Rule Thirty-Fo… I mean Tifa Lockhart. The combat was the first of many raised eyebrows, as it’s partially turn based but requires quick reflexes to boot. Each of your party members has a wait meter that must charge before you can attack.

Image taken from dansg08

You can equip the game’s version of magic, Materia, to each party member to cast different spells or summon beings to win the fight for you. However, doing so lowers your maximum health and basic damage output, meaning you need to be cautious about what Materia to equip. That said this becomes less of an issue late-game since you never use basic attack. By that point, you’re packed with more magic than David Copperfield on shrooms.

The game’s considered a technological leap of the time, mainly through the detail gone into cutscenes, a sheer mass of activities to do in-game, and that it moved the franchise from 2D to 3D. While I can imagine this being a bigger deal back in the day, 2D sprites have recently garnered a retro charm in the gaming world while early 3D is mocked. Play FFVII now and everyone looks like a playmobil model with twice the angst: 

An EMObil, if you will. 

These models travel across fixed camera layouts which end up looking like finger puppets on a green screen background. These fixed camera angles lead to problems with depth perception. I don’t even know if you can use the defence that it came out in the early days of 3D since games like Super Mario 64 (1996) preceded it. Then again, it could have been a means to cut down overall costs on the overworld to put them elsewhere.

Like the goddamn summonings.

FFVII absolutely revels in its summonings, some of them taking up to a full minute to use. Selecting them is annoying too. You think because you only have 1 summon equipped it’d be at the top of your “summoning” menu? Oh no, each summoned creature has their own slot in a massive list that doesn’t change based on how many you have equipped. So fuck you if you’re in a rush; you have to scroll all the way down every time. 

4 scrolls down and 42 seconds later! 

Even so, it's still one of the quickest ways to complete battles. You can’t run from random encounters unless you have a specific Materia equipped and they pop out of literally everywhere. I mean, FFVII’s battle music is fantastic, but having it burst up every 10 seconds while you’re trying to desperately crawl to a save point is like being stopped by a murderous evangelist on the way to an abortion clinic. These overlong animations are even more annoying when you’re on a timer or just trying to get to a poorly-placed save point.

One such save point was a fair bit after a 10 minute long cutscene. If you die to the standard enemies, you have to watch the cutscene all over again. It also doesn’t have a continue option, instead sending you back to the main menu every time you die. It's almost like it’s insisting that you rage quit.

There’s quite a conundrum reviewing the original FFVII as it's difficult to fault it for being a product of its time. Even with that excuse, there are aspects that are unforgivable regardless. You have an open world to travel around in, and the map is one of the worst I’ve seen. It’s always translucent, and the indicators for key locations are vague orange dots that you can hardly see, let alone know what location it marks. I dealt with this on my wide, HD-ready TV. Christ knows how anyone could figure it out in 1997 with TVs the size of my self-worth.

Image taken from OSIRIS

Step back a metre and try to find anything.

Despite my bitching, the characters make it worthwhile. Even Cloud has his moments and gains depth as the story progresses. He was a mixed bag at first, mainly because his appearance and demeanor make him look like a tween edgelord. He shrugs at everything, boasts lush J-Pop boy band hair and all the girls just think he’s the dreamiest. Though that edginess and angst came at the cost of practicality. I couldn’t fathom why, in a world of magic and technological wonders, he chose to fight with an oversized broadsword. It always felt like he was trying too hard to be cool. Although, without wishing to spoil, that could have been intentional.

It also helps that FFVII puts its “badass” emo boy in as many ridiculous situations as possible. You’ll make Cloud cross dress, act in a play, compete in squatting competitions and - of course - chicken racing.

The game adds surprising depth to the supporting cast, even including a segment wherein Cloud is absent and the leader of his ragtag group changes from one member to another. Many of their key issues and goals are resolved throughout the main story, showing that when it's actually on track, the game can be really economical. Having said that, there were 2 side characters you could optionally unlock, but are totally unnecessary. It’s just more people to buy equipment and Materia for. I still got through the whole game without them, so surely they serve no point in the grander scheme of things.

Its depth is its saving grace and it certainly bolsters more mature storytelling than its blocky polygon designs let on. That goofiness of 90’s JRPGs does work in its favour though. It’s the anchor that keeps FFVII from taking itself too seriously, so perhaps an Unreal Engine remake would suffer without it. Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop the game being an absolute chore to get through. Lack of direction, the constant minigames, and padded gameplay were almost enough to make me stop playing altogether, until I discovered a feature in the PS4 port that, like many things, the game didn’t mention I could do. You can make the game go at triple speed by pressing L3. 

I discovered this by accident...

20

HOURS

IN!!!

I had reached a new level of pissed when I learned this. Knowing that I wasted hours of my life with cutscenes and summonings that I could have breezed through, it was enough to make me want to decimate my room with an oversized broadsword. But nonetheless, this was a welcome development and one that greatly compensated for the troubles I had before it.

Overall, FF7 was simultaneously one of the most fantastic and one of the most atrocious games I have ever played. Some criticisms can be attributed to age, but some seem like plain ol’ bad decisions, even for its time. Through all that, however, it gave me something that made it feel worthwhile by the end: the feeling of adventure, one that I am both glad and sad is over. I both revere it and will never play it again.

To conclude: yes, it does need a remake. Removing the clunkiness of the gameplay and the world would bolster it significantly, convoluted plot notwithstanding. 

I believe 7 is considered the best in the franchise, so I can’t say I’m keen to play more of the franchise, but I’ve heard good things about FFVI (1994) that seem worthwhile. And, at the end of the day, it succeeded at what all RPGs should do. It made me give a shit. 

And really, that was enough to keep me going until the end.

I bid farewell to this overly-convoluted fantastical JRPG with a severely padded out plot. With that out of the way, I can finally get around to playing Nier: Automata (2017).

… oh it’s not, is it?

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