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Stranger Things 3 is a huge mess: part 2 of an exhaustive diatribe


Disclaimer(!):the following is just an opinion, but it's definitely a negative one. If you enjoyed Stranger Things 3, that's great! Nonetheless, this probably isn't the article for you. Otherwise, read on!

Written by The Curmudgeon


WARNING: The following is not a review, it is a spoiler-filled rant. I recommend that you watch Stranger Things 3 before proceeding.

Last time we stared into the abyss had a chat about tone. To be specific, we talked about how utterly unfocused the tone is on a scene-by-scene basis (click here for more on that). However, this lack of focus doesn’t just kill the tone, it kills the pacing too. This isn’t something I realised was such an issue until I got to episode 6 – the third-to-last episode – and realised that the story had basically just started. You may be wondering why most of the references I’ve made thus far are to episodes 5 and 6, and the answer is: that’s when stuff actually starts happening. It’s around that time when any of the mystery elements (the Russians under the mall, the mind flayer, etc.) begin to actually rear their head. This is a major misplay, since the slowly-but-continuously developing mystery was the entire allure of the first season.

The reason that it takes so long for the plot to gain any real momentum is that so much time is spent faffing about. In the first few episodes, broadly speaking, way too much time is spent on romance, wandering around the mall, and other filler stuff, pushing any of the real drama until the end.

But I’d be betraying myself – and my burning hatred of Stranger Things 3 – if I didn’t elaborate. So, let’s dig in!

Chapter 2: the case of the missing pacing

Frankly, a lot of the pacing issues boil down to a shift of focus away from the mystery and onto romance and character drama. That previous example in the hospital (see previous post for detail) is a good example. Shoehorning a heart-to-heart between Eleven and Mike isn’t just tonally inconsistent with the ongoing survival-horror aspect of the Nancy/Jonathan fight scene. It’s also a sure-fire way of annihilating the pace of said fight scene. It’d be like printing a Danny DeVito special in Playboy magazine. Unless you’re into that kind of thing.

This problem manifests itself mostly in Hopper’s relationship with Joyce, whereby he gets distracted constantly, no matter the situation. But Hopper deserves a section to himself, so let’s talk about that a little later. For now, I’d like to reference another scene in episode 6 (what is it with episode 6?)

The gist of the scene is this: a bunch of people have been bodysnatched, and Eleven is clocking in some serious psychic overtime trying to find where they went. Presumably, the stakes should be pretty high at this point, since Nancy and Jonathan were a rat’s foreskin away from their untimely death. I suppose the Duffer brothers think the audience has a collective attention span shorter than a guinea pig’s nipple, because) Mike and Max have an argument about his break-up with Eleven for the 100th time. It’s like they have absolutely nothing better to do or talk about. Except that – oh wait – they totally do, because they whole town is in danger of being bodysnatched, and time is of the essence. Why the fuck are they talking about this now, of all times? Why does it take focus over the mystery they’re trying to solve?


This trite, over-baked romance and character drama seemingly takes precedence over said mystery. Max even says: “Why are we even talking about this, seriously?” to which Will responds: “Yeah, who cares?” – couldn’t have put it better myself.

Lucas looking about as done with their shit as I am at this point...

Where does this go? Nowhere. It amounts to nothing. Oh, except Mike says he loves Eleven, I guess. And this isn’t an isolated episode, this kind of shit happens a lot.

Now, there’s nothing specifically to say that the character-over-plot writing style couldn’t work. But there are a couple of issues to be acknowledged. Firstly, the characters are too trite for it to be even slightly interesting. The entire identity of Stranger Things is that it’s cliché, and the same can be said for the characters and their drama. Mike and Eleven’s whole “boys are from mars, girls are from Venus” shtick is especially overdone and demonstrably tiresome. Furthermore, writers should be more cognisant of what kind of storytelling matches which type of story. After all, season one was just as cliché but its tight focus on the mystery element and continuously advancing plot kept it strong. This, of course, brings me back to my original point that the overemphasis on romance and character drama detracts from the mystery, therefore detracts from the pacing of the plot.

To roundup, the way the character drama constantly distracts from the plot kills the pacing faster than the dignity I sacrificed to make it through all 8 episodes of this mess.

But if I were to summarise my true gripes with season 3’s pacing, I could do so with two words.

Never-ending. Story. FUCK.

The “fuck” at the end there isn’t a third word, by the way. The two words are “never-ending story”, and “fuck” is the word which best describes my feelings on the matter. Unless we want to count "never-ending" as two words. Ah, whatever.

Please stop
I understand that a lot of people like the scene in the final episode when Dustin and Suzie sing the song from The Neverending Story (1984). Maybe that’s because said people are easily pleased. In my eyes, dangling a forced, out-of-place reference to an ‘80s property for no other reason than “OH LOOK, IT’S A THING I RECOGNISE”, is the cinematic equivalent of distracting a kitten with a ball of yarn. I think that, in some ways, this scene represents Stranger Things’ turn away from homage and into mindless reference for the sake of reference, but it’s also the very best example of how to completely fuck up the pacing of a scene.

So, let’s have a cheeky little recap before a lot of me dies forever. In the final episode of the season (The Battle of Starcourt), Hopper, Joyce and Murray infiltrate the Soviet facility to steal a thing. Meanwhile, Dustin makes contact with his definitely-real-and-not-made-up girlfriend, Suzie, with a view to learning Planck’s constant, which is a code for the safe which holds the thing (I didn’t realise how convoluted this all is until I wrote it down).

Now, let’s play a little game, shall we? During an intense heist sequence, which of the following is ideal for upping the momentum?:

a) Narrowly avoiding capture by a hair’s breadth to keep the stakes high

b) An exciting chase sequence to ramp-up the pacing

c) A musical routine

If you’d guessed the latter, you’re wrong, and also thick.

Somebody kill me please
So, yes, the Duffer brothers really do jam a completely unnecessary musical sequence amidst all the intensity and climax of the last episode. It honestly baffles me that this script made it past the drafting stage. For a solid minute or so, the high-octane drama grinds to a halt so they can sing a fucking song from the ‘80s that people remember. And this, folks, is a masterclass in how to brutally murder the pacing of your story.

Please let it end
This is about as much as can be said with respect to pacing. And I’m beginning to bleed from the eyes, so let’s regroup in the next instalment to tackle the greatest offence Stranger Things 3 has committed – its loathsome cast of characters…

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